Document Archive

The Catholic Standard and Times
By Mary Achilles
Guest Columnist

Talking about sexual violence
19 April 2007

April is national Sexual Assault Awareness Month and national Child Abuse Prevention Month. One of the most important things we can do to stem the tide of sexual violence, and provide the necessary response, is to talk about sexual violence.
It sometimes seems that talking about sexual violence is more unacceptable in our society than sexual violence, itself. Unless we talk about it, sexual violence will linger in the shadows. Once we bring it into the light, we can create the time and space for victims to heal and for prevention strategies to be implemented.
In the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, many of us have been educated about the prevalence of sexual violence and ways to prevent it through our Safe Environment program
The most commonly quoted statistic is that one in four girls and one in six boys in this country will be sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday. Certainly, the clergy sexual abuse scandal has demonstrated that our own Church is not immune from this societal problem.
One way the Archdiocese is acting to create safe places for our children is by implementing a Safe Environment program. It educates staff, volunteers and parents on how to model appropriate behavior. It teaches adults, and assists children, in identifying inappropriate behavior in those that intend them harm. Involving as much of our community as possible in these efforts has increased our collective awareness about sexual violence.
Prevention efforts increase our overall awareness in the Church, and will create an environment where people will feel safe to disclose an incident of sexual abuse. Not only will children become encouraged to make disclosures, but adults who were sexually assaulted may also make disclosures. We need to be ready to respond.
If one in four girls and one in six boys is sexually assaulted by the time they are 18, then one in four women and one in six men sitting in church with you on Sunday, or in any group setting, is potentially a victim of a past sexual assault. Most sexual assault in this country is not reported. It is likely that those who might be sitting with you have not only chosen not to report, but may also have never told anyone.
What would you do should your friend, colleague or neighbor turn to you and disclose that their lives have been touched by sexual assault? Would you know what to say and how to provide support? Let’s take a look at the impact that sexual assault has on people, and what we could be ready to do should we hear a disclosure from an adult sexual assault survivor.

April is national Sexual Assault Awareness Month and national Child Abuse Prevention Month. One of the most important things we can do to stem the tide of sexual violence, and provide the necessary response, is to talk about sexual violence.
It sometimes seems that talking about sexual violence is more unacceptable in our society than sexual violence, itself. Unless we talk about it, sexual violence will linger in the shadows. Once we bring it into the light, we can create the time and space for victims to heal and for prevention strategies to be implemented.
In the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, many of us have been educated about the prevalence of sexual violence and ways to prevent it through our Safe Environment program
The most commonly quoted statistic is that one in four girls and one in six boys in this country will be sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday. Certainly, the clergy sexual abuse scandal has demonstrated that our own Church is not immune from this societal problem.
One way the Archdiocese is acting to create safe places for our children is by implementing a Safe Environment program. It educates staff, volunteers and parents on how to model appropriate behavior. It teaches adults, and assists children, in identifying inappropriate behavior in those that intend them harm. Involving as much of our community as possible in these efforts has increased our collective awareness about sexual violence.
Prevention efforts increase our overall awareness in the Church, and will create an environment where people will feel safe to disclose an incident of sexual abuse. Not only will children become encouraged to make disclosures, but adults who were sexually assaulted may also make disclosures. We need to be ready to respond.
If one in four girls and one in six boys is sexually assaulted by the time they are 18, then one in four women and one in six men sitting in church with you on Sunday, or in any group setting, is potentially a victim of a past sexual assault. Most sexual assault in this country is not reported. It is likely that those who might be sitting with you have not only chosen not to report, but may also have never told anyone.
What would you do should your friend, colleague or neighbor turn to you and disclose that their lives have been touched by sexual assault? Would you know what to say and how to provide support? Let’s take a look at the impact that sexual assault has on people, and what we could be ready to do should we hear a disclosure from an adult sexual assault survivor.

The impact of sexual assault on its victims
Sexual assault is not always physically violent. However, whether the victim is a child at the time of an assault or an adult, the assault on the psyche is violent. Victims’ initial reactions may be agitation or hysteria along with anxiety attacks, or the complete opposite can be true. A survivor may appear as if nothing happened at all, a coping mechanism to mask the shock of the assault. Some survivors are unable to perform even the simplest of daily tasks for a period of time.
Eventually a victim attempts to return to normal while inside they are suffering from considerable turmoil. They may cope with the assault by changing something or everything about their life: a job, a home or a group of friends.
Victims need to put the experience into its proper place in their history in order to reconstruct their lives after sexual assault. It will never be forgotten, it will in some way alter their lives, but it will no longer define them. The pain and turmoil will lessen over time, and their life will move forward.
Most victims will suffer from a spiritual crisis. They may feel abandoned or betrayed by God. They will most often wonder, “Why me?” Sometimes the offender will have manipulated the spiritual beliefs of the victim during the commission of the assault. More often than not, they will struggle with forgiveness and reconciliation with the offender, or others whom they believe did not protect them.
The right interventions from sexual assault counselors, therapists and other professionals trained in working with victims of trauma, and the support and assistance from their friends and families, provide the overall safety net for victims to start their journey toward reconstruction of their lives.

How should we respond?
If a victim confides in you, listen with an open heart. Saying nothing while listening attentively is always a safe response. Be sure to make direct eye contact and communicate non-verbally that you are comfortable with the disclosure and are willing to listen. It would be most helpful to say, “I am so sorry that happened to you.”
Be aware of your own boundaries and be a resource. Unless you are a trained sexual assault counselor, or of a similar profession, you can be a supportive friend and listener, but they may need some additional assistance from professional resources. You may want to offer to assist them in locating these resources.
Be non-judgmental in your comments. Seek to support and understand - without asking questions about the facts. You are not an investigator. Putting words to the actual details of the acts are most challenging for sexual assault victims. Try to stay focused on their emotional reactions, not the details of the crime.
Ensure confidentiality, if you can, to the adult victim. It is their experience. It should not become school or office gossip. The ability to control who gets to hear their story, when it is told and how it is told is crucial to the overall reconstruction of their sense of safety and trust.
Provide safety if you can. Creating a place, time and opportunity for victims to feel comfortable enough to talk is important. Since, more often than not, sexual assault is emotionally violent, the emotional safety of the victim is important. If they are telling you their experience, they may have some sense that you are a safe person to tell. Be sure to convey with your tone and words that they are safe now.
Believe! Victims remain silent for a variety of reasons. One of the reasons most often heard by counselors is that the victims feared that people would not believe them. Offenders use threats of violence, and threats that the victim will not be believed, to keep victims silent. Once survivors disclose, at whatever age, they need to be believed. Telling is courageous. It opens the door to healing. By believing them, you help to end the silence and bring light to the shadows.
For additional information or assistance contact the Office of Child and Youth Prevention at 1-888-800-8780.

Mary Achilles is the Victim Advocate of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. She can be reached at 267-322-1260. Mary Achilles is the Victim Advocate of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. She can be reached at 267-322-1260.